Story Response: “A Love Enveloped” by Joel Llop


On your blog, or in a private email to the writer and to me, respond to the following
for each story:
How does this story work?

I love the imagery and setting in this story. It was very interesting to keep learning things about the character and his mother because of the reactions and responses he has to the various things found inside the empty house. This story flows very nicely, its like a poem that grew.


If the story doesn’t work as well as it could in some areas, what would you recommend? Please base your recommendations in your understanding of the writer’s intentions.

I have no recommendations, just write more. Good job!

Story Response: “Stuffed Animal Factory” by Lucy Slattery

On your blog, or in a private email to the writer and to me, respond to the following for each story:
How does this story work?

This story works through the first person, as a woman is telling the story through her first person experience of being horrifically turned into a stuffed rabbit.


If the story doesn’t work as well as it could in some areas, what would you recommend? Please base your recommendations in your understanding of the writer’s intentions.

Maybe be a bit more descriptive or clear about what is happening, especially during the end, we want to know in depth the interesting things that are happening!

The Light Behind The Eyes: Part 2 Added

Shane Petosa-Sigel

The monitor hummed softly as Bob ran his fingers across its sleek and luminescent face. Light projections of blue and green danced along the otherwise transparent surface of the glass as he scrolled and tapped, their soft ebbing glow reflecting in the dark windows of his eyes. Contrasting the faint light of the screen, a stronger fixture sat embedded in the wall to his right, set behind a thick pane of clouded glass. Its light was bright and warm, painting thick tones of orange and yellow all throughout the small room that were meant to imitate the hues of sunlight, as there were no windows in the space. The rays of artificial sun draped over the curves of the desk and down the slant of Bob’s back as he sat hunched over the glass monitor, his nose almost touching the screen as he worked. The workspace itself was clean, but cramped. It was a single-room area roughly the size of a standard cubicle, with just enough real-estate for Bob to stretch his legs out if he swiveled his chair and pointed out his toes to a particular direction under the desk. No other accessories lined the walls other than the false sun to the right, and a closed door that almost disappeared into the metal wall behind him, its edges blending in with the room’s contours. He was of course alone in the tightly packed space, not that anyone else could fit comfortably inside if he ever did have the company. He didn’t. If company meant any of the countless neighboring work pods that were stacked above and beside his own, then well, he didn’t know them either. He once waved to an accountant as they entered their work pods one morning, but he must’ve been bionic, because the man just clicked his eyes at Bob like camera lenses and disappeared into his cubicle without a wave back. 

The pods, almost like thousands of bricks stacked together into a skyscraper sized wall, had phased out the use of recreational office buildings around the late 2090s, in an effort to “maximize efficiency by consolidating employees to each their own distraction free workplace”. Bob muttered the words to himself as he jabbed a bitter finger against his screen, making the monitor jolt backward towards the wall. He had been the lead architect on the closet-sized cubicles years ago, he just had never thought that he’d ever be subjected to working in his own design.. only now did he realize how difunctional they were on the inside. And what’s more, his pod sat on surface-level, the bottom of the heap, only a slim door between his miserable pod and the open clamor of the city center. He had designed the pods to be elegant and simplistic, yet every day Bob sat inside the cramped box that he designed, cursing his younger self for building his own prison. He thought about that a lot, the way he was back then, an eager architect set on changing the world. That man saw things that the light couldn’t catch. “What an idiot” Bob spat at his monitor. The jabs at his screen became progressively harder as he fought with himself inside the small box. Was it shrinking? “Maximizing efficiency..” the monitor scraped against the desk. He was yelling at himself now, his voice reverberating off the cold walls of the pod. “Distraction free workspace, give me a break Bob, it’s a fricken stackable coffin you adolescent piece of –”   THUDNK. 

Bob stopped rambling and looked up from the monitor, the warm light beside him flickered, causing a temporary seizure between night and day in the pod. He swiveled his chair around to face the door, there was a clatter like the sound of two marbles being thrown around, and a weighted muffle of something pressing up against the outside of the door. Bob stood out of his chair, his head a few inches from the ceiling. THNK. Was someone doing electrical work? There were no announcements he could recall of any pods being refurbished. THUKNK. There were only about two steps from his chair to the slender metal face of the door, but he took them slowly as he went to unlock the pod. As he set his thumb into the small pad on the edge of the frame, the door beeped and unlocked, and the weight stopped shifting against it. The door slid open only about three inches before stopping abruptly, jamming, but Bob could make out the shoulder and leg of an individual rummaging with the hardware outside the pod. “Hey pal, I didn’t request any electrical service, but whatever work you’re doing is messing up the –” Bob lost his train of thought as the figure shifted its weight, and two yellowed eyes darted up at him from behind the slim gap in the door. The eyes spoke. “Open th’door!” The words were quick and sharp, like they were anxious to leave his mouth, like they were short on time. “Open th’door, c’mon!” The eyes didn’t look threatening, not much. They looked desperate, of what though, Bob had no clue. He tried to make the eyes understand. “You uhm.. y-you did something to the wiring pal, the system is all electric. You have to fix whatever it was that you –” Bob was interrupted again by a gasp of frustration on the other end of the door, as a leather-skinned hand pushed its way between the gap and slid the door almost halfway open. The rest of the figure shot his way through the door with such vigor that Bob stumbled and fell back into his chair. The figure moved with such haste that Bob could only see him in a haze as he slammed the door shut again, the metal creaking from the force. As the door closed again, the electrical had another attack, and the lights shut off. Bob said nothing as the figure breathed heavily in the dark work pod, with only the faint light of the monitor illuminating his thick jointed legs. 

As the artificial sunlight rebooted in the room, flickers of orange light uncovered pieces of the figure trying to regain its breath by the door. As the sunlight regained consistency, Bob flinched. This wasn’t at all what he was expecting. 

—PART 2 STARTS HERE——————————————————–

As the electronic sunlight spastically flickered back to a consistency, Bob sat tightly crumpled into the back of his swivel-chair. His spine was uncomfortably contorted into the same harsh bend of the lower seat, but he didn’t dare to move, he kept his eyes on the figure that had just torn its way into the workpod. Opposite from where Bob was timidly backing up and riding his chair up against the brim of his desk, the intruder sat slumped against the other corner of the room. He was hunched over and seemed like he was almost sunk into the wall itself, pinned between the busted door to his left side, Bob’s right, and the harsh glow of the light fixture. The light casted warm glows over the stranger’s hunched shoulders and across his large right arm that draped a dark shadow over his face. They stayed like this for a while, or at least, what seemed to be a very long and uncomfortable quiet. It was like they were caught in a terrible in-between, like they were stuck in transit between two moments, and time itself was afraid to tread them on to whatever might be awaiting. The still and silence was only companion to the heavy breaths of the stranger still slumped in the corner, a steady rise and fall in his shoulders as he tried to regain breath from his rushed intrusion into the pod. Bob said nothing, he did nothing. The ache of his back against the swivel-chair was ignored as he stared at the face concealed behind the shadow of a leathery and muscular arm. 

Maybe it was not too soon after the awkward and frightening silence had started, or maybe it had been several minutes, but Bob began to notice more about the intruder than just the leathery skin. Funny, how he was so used to his architecture inside that pod, that it was as if Bob was constructing the stranger himself, like one of his buildings, in the same time he saw the creature– Like he was a foreign and terrifying piece of art, each member of him painted in the exact instance it was being unveiled by the light. His shoulders, shown harshest in the light, were bulky and brutish. They were uncovered by a lack of sleeves, but Bob couldn’t make out if it was cause of a vest or some other clothing fault, because the stranger’s midsection was clothed only in shadow. The skin was, as he had noticed before, leathery and uneven. In some parts of his complexion where it had grown to be thicker in the shoulders and the crests around his elbows, there were scaly bumps and points on the skin, like the shallow hills on the face of a pineapple. As Bob looked on in silence upon this stranger, he noticed the definition in his muscles. Bob himself was a frail man, both from his natural physical stature and the strenuous environment of the pod he had practically lived in for so many years now, but from what he could see the stranger slouched in his workpod was built with a healthy roundness to his limbs. He was not in any way a weight champion like the Cosmi-Bowl freaks that were paraded on the city monitors, but Bob was no longer in shock that he had managed to force an industry-grade pod door to malfunction like he did. In fact, whatever species this creature was, Bob was surprised that the stranger didn’t manage to shear the door completely off the pod’s walls. He was more and more enthralled by the strangeness of the intruder, by the frightful beauty of his unfamiliarity to Bob, that he almost completely dismissed the terrifying way in which they were both stuck in the workpod together. 

That was, until the stranger moved. It was an abrupt and groggy movement, as the stranger pushed with his legs and slid his back up the wall so that he was at an awkward half-hunched standing position. All the terror from the initial break-in came back to Bob now, as if he was so mesmerized by the ocean that he had completely forgotten about the unpredictability and danger of the waves. He backed away towards his desk in the swivel-chair once again.. had he been curiously inching closer to the creature during the silence? And then, as more of the intruder’s body was revealed as he had himself propped against the wall, Bob saw something. He saw the reason why the stranger had broken into his workpod, and why he was in such haste when he tore his way in. He saw why he had shrouded himself from the artificial light of the fixture, and why he heaved for breath unnaturally in the silent corner of the room, why those golden-yellow eyes winced as he stood. The creature’s left forearm and hand, which had previously been covered by shadow under his body, was now clearly slick and shiny with deep burgundy blood in the newfound light. The hand was pressed tight underneath where a human’s ribs would usually be, with various trails of blood winding down his stomach and the folds of his pants. The creature broke the silence, a crackle in his voice that Bob realized now had not been due to his species’ tongue.. he was spitting speckles of blood. “Don’t suppose you’ve got any bandages, eh pod-junkie?” The creature winced again as he said it, the yellowed eyes tensing up as he unclipped a blaster pistol from the left side of his belt, the metal coils of the barrel tainted in thick blood. 

The Light Behind The Eyes

Shane Petosa-Sigel 

The monitor hummed softly as Bob ran his fingers across its sleek and luminescent face. Light projections of blue and green danced along the otherwise transparent surface of the glass as he scrolled and tapped, their soft ebbing glow reflecting in the dark windows of his eyes. Contrasting the faint light of the screen, a stronger fixture sat embedded in the wall to his right, set behind a thick pane of clouded glass. Its light was bright and warm, painting thick tones of orange and yellow all throughout the small room that were meant to imitate the hues of sunlight, as there were no windows in the space. The rays of artificial sun draped over the curves of the desk and down the slant of Bob’s back as he sat hunched over the glass monitor, his nose almost touching the screen as he worked. The workspace itself was clean, but cramped. It was a single-room area roughly the size of a standard cubicle, with just enough real-estate for Bob to stretch his legs out if he swiveled his chair and pointed out his toes to a particular direction under the desk. No other accessories lined the walls other than the false sun to the right, and a closed door that almost disappeared into the metal wall behind him, its edges blending in with the room’s contours. He was of course alone in the tightly packed space, not that anyone else could fit comfortably inside if he ever did have the company. He didn’t. If company meant any of the countless neighboring work pods that were stacked above and beside his own, then well, he didn’t know them either. He once waved to an accountant as they entered their work pods one morning, but he must’ve been bionic, because the man just clicked his eyes at Bob like camera lenses and disappeared into his cubicle without a wave back. 

The pods, almost like thousands of bricks stacked together into a skyscraper sized wall, had phased out the use of recreational office buildings around the late 2090s, in an effort to “maximize efficiency by consolidating employees to each their own distraction free workplace”. Bob muttered the words to himself as he jabbed a bitter finger against his screen, making the monitor jolt backward towards the wall. He had been the lead architect on the closet-sized cubicles years ago, he just had never thought that he’d ever be subjected to working in his own design, only now did he realize how difunctional they were on the inside. He had designed the pods to be elegant and simplistic, yet every day Bob sat inside the cramped box that he designed, cursing his younger self for building his own prison. He thought about that a lot, the way he was back then, an eager architect set on changing the world. That man saw things that the light couldn’t catch. “What an idiot” Bob spat at his monitor. The jabs at his screen became progressively harder as he fought with himself inside the small box. Was it shrinking? “Maximizing efficiency..” the monitor scraped against the desk. He was yelling at himself now, his voice reverberating off the cold walls of the pod. “Distraction free workspace, give me a break Bob, it’s a fricken stackable coffin you adolescent piece of –”   THUDNK. 

Bob stopped rambling and looked up from the monitor, the warm light beside him flickered, causing a temporary seizure between night and day in the pod. He swiveled his chair around to face the door, there was a clatter like the sound of two marbles being thrown around, and a weighted muffle of something pressing up against the outside of the door. Bob stood out of his chair, his head a few inches from the ceiling. THNK. Was someone doing electrical work? There were no announcements he could recall of any pods being refurbished. THUKNK. There were only about two steps from his chair to the slender metal face of the door, but he took them slowly as he went to unlock the pod. As he set his thumb into the small pad on the edge of the frame, the door beeped and unlocked, and the weight stopped shifting against it. The door slid open only about three inches before stopping abruptly, jamming, but Bob could make out the shoulder and leg of an individual rummaging with the hardware outside the pod. “Hey pal, I didn’t request any electrical service, but whatever work you’re doing is messing up the –” Bob lost his train of thought as the figure shifted its weight, and two yellowed eyes darted up at him from behind the slim gap in the door. The eyes spoke. “Open th’door!” The words were quick and sharp, like they were anxious to leave his mouth, like they were short on time. “Open th’door, c’mon!” The eyes didn’t look threatening, not much. They looked desperate, of what though, Bob had no clue. He tried to make the eyes understand. “You uhm.. y-you did something to the wiring pal, the system is all electric. You have to fix whatever it was that you –” Bob was interrupted again by a gasp of frustration on the other end of the door, as a leather-skinned hand pushed its way between the gap and slid the door almost halfway open. The rest of the figure shot his way through the door with such vigor that Bob stumbled and fell back into his chair. The figure moved with such haste that Bob could only see him in a haze as he slammed the door shut again, the metal creaking from the force. As the door closed again, the electrical had another attack, and the lights shut off. Bob said nothing as the figure breathed heavily in the dark work pod, with only the faint light of the monitor illuminating his thick jointed legs. 

As the artificial sunlight rebooted in the room, flickers of orange light uncovered pieces of the figure trying to regain its breath by the door. As the sunlight regained consistency, Bob flinched. This wasn’t at all what he was expecting. 

To be Continued… 

*I had the plans for where this story would go, but I didn’t give myself adequate time to accomplish it. I will finish this story soon enough. * 

Isolation Under Iron

Writing from something found from old notes/ideas: A character of physical isolation from their environment. 

“I can’t feel it” Anthony whispered, his fingers clattering inside the metal. Professor Einsehn was hunched over by the rigid steel boots confining Anthony’s feet, he was tampering with the rubber seal on one of the toes, he didn’t hear him. “I — I can’t feel it” Anthony spoke again, this time loud enough so that Einsehn might hear it, he’d forgotten that he needed to speak up now to be heard from under the thick helmet that shadowed his face. Einsehn pecked his head up from the boot, sprouting his beakish nose and thick lensed glasses into the light of the lab. “You say something my boy?” Anthony cursed himself, still not loud enough. He spoke almost to a shout now, his voice echoing from inside the dense mask. “I said I can’t feel it, doc… I can’t — it’s not the same”. The professor’s eyes tightened from under the circular glasses, like camera apertures or window shades being lowered. The old man was silent for a moment, a look on his face between concern and intense thought, like he was solving an intense riddle and he was trying to find it in the dark hole in the helmet where Anthony’s eyes were.

…I will add to this story and re-post eventually…

Homework 2/18: “The Ride”, “Mrs. White”

Shane Petosa-Sigel 

Eng. 204-A

Homework 2/18: “The Ride”, “Mrs. White” 

“The Ride”: 

1) How does this story work? 

The Ride operates kind of like a jumpy 1st-person narration, where the main character is always going from point to point in a kind of event-based way. “I reach for the pack. I quit four months ago. He doesn’t question me…” stuff like that. Everything is short sentences giving the necessary information and then moving on. 

2) If the story doesn’t work as well as it could, what is your understanding of what the writer’s intentions are? 

I think the intentions were to make us think about morality and life. 

3) Imagine the writer is sitting next to you. What feedback do you give him/her? 

I think the jumpy feel of the story is good, but at times it make it difficult to figure out who is talking or if the story has changed scenes. 

“Mrs. White”: 

1) How does this story work? 

Mrs. White is about a woman and her husband’s funeral, but the interesting thing is that the main attraction of the story is not the main character. The main character is Zach, a random student, and an outsider to the main event that slowly becomes more and more involved with the plot, rather than just watching it with us. 

2) If the story doesn’t work as well as it could, what is your understanding of what the writer’s intentions are? 

I think the intentions were to make us think about death and the conflicts that cause them. 

3) Imagine the writer is sitting next to you. What feedback do you give him/her? 

I liked how I was in the same position as the main character. Both Zach and I were just outsiders looking in, and in doing so, we became intertwined with the conflicts whether we wanted to or not. 

Pantsed By Gravity

Embarrassing Moment Prompt: Pants pulled off while hanging off monkey bars. 

There I was, a ten-year-old little scamp, balancing on the jellies of my toes as I reached upwards eagerly towards the monkey bars. My heels wiggled as I stretched the whole expanse of my little body out towards the first handhold, short stubby fingers grazing across the metal. Thinking about it now, there weren’t even that many other kids on the playground, five or six tops, I think. A few skidding down the slides, a lone straggler making a conquest up the climbing wall like he was Indiana Jones, but all in all it was just a few kids. No matter how many witnesses though, nothing could have prepared me what was about to unfold, or rather, what was about to unzip. As I had finally managed to wrap my chubby fists around the first rail of the monkey bars, my legs were soon carried off the stilted platform of the playground. Suspended in the air, dangling on the bars by my arms like a fishing weight at the end of a line, I suddenly felt something start to free itself from my body. “Fine by me” I thought, “It’s probably my pet rock falling out of my pocket, anything I can shed to help me stay on the bars is great”. Little did I know, that it wasn’t just little Rocky Balboa slipping off, but the entirety of my pants! There was what, a ka-jillion other kids at this school, and of course I’m the one with a faulty zipper on his cargo shorts. As the pants gave way, I had no choice but to stay suspended in the air on the monkey bars, terrified and completely helpless to the embarrassment of gravity’s cruelest prank. Even with the scarce amount of kids who witnessed firsthand, it was the talk of the town. By town though I of course mean fifth grade, but regardless, it sure wasn’t great being reminded of this over and over again at the ten-year class reunion. “Long time no see, Zipper”. Har har har. 

Murdered by Maturity

Write about a person/place in which your relationship/connection with has changed irreversibly: Childlike ingenuity..

Children are the geniuses of the world, born of ignorance. They donʻt know anything other than their own thoughts, questions, and experiences. It is this lack of knowledge, this naive state of mind, that I miss. It is that lack of knowledge of how the world works that allows children to think of things that we have been made too dull in the mind to think of. The adults have all of the resources, and no imagination, meanwhile our children are blessed with wondrous minds, and yet are shot down by a lack of any means to follow through with them. Children are the Picassos and Einsteins of everything, but we bludgen their talented minds with our “knowledge”, we destroy the creative process with our intellectual maturity. How does our world look right now? Maybe if we could still dream like our children, we could stand a chance of making it a better place for them.

Food Memories

An unfinished work:

Once a year, sometime close to September, I will walk into the house to find that every available surface from the kitchen to the dining room has been riddled with pallets upon pallets of ripening tomatoes. Set on top of the counter, stacked high on the kitchen table, the boxes of lipstick-red vegetables lay shrewn across the house. They wait to be put to work. They wait to become something more. Its canning season…

The Changing

Terrible social/cultural practices being used in a modern commonplace as the norm: Yearly reincarnation into different species

“Remember hon, you’ll have to stop by and feed Melony on the way home from work, you know Roger still cares about her.” Of course, I knew I had to stop by and feed her. I wasn’t forgetful, I was just getting annoyed by all of it, the responsibility of keeping track of it all. It had only been a month since the year’s annual “changing”, and Em and I were already up to our ears in troves of communal chores. Em didn’t mind the extra tasks. She saw them as just a natural byproduct of the Changing each year; Something that couldn’t be helped, but she couldn’t feed Melony today. I knew it for what it was: a waste of my time. It wasn’t my fault that Melony, our close friend for about twelve years now, had digressed into a poodle. I suppose it wasn’t her fault either, we didn’t choose what we would emerge as at the start of each year after the annual Changing, it was all up to chance. Some of us would wake up as crickets for a year, or maybe an anteater. The lucky ones got to stay the same as humans for another year, but that rarely happened. Me? I had been a dog last year, like Melony, but I wasn’t a poodle. I came out of last year’s Changing as a great Dane. God, that was a good year. Em had got lucky as a baboon, so she still had the privilege of opposable thumbs. This year though, we both lucked out, we were the only couple on the block that were both human this year. It was amazing to come to work again with a suit instead of a collar, but then again, we got stuck with all the lame chores of the community. We were the most able, and so we had to help out the ones on our block that couldn’t drive their kids home because they were a frog or whatever. That included feeding Melony. Roger, her husband, couldn’t do it. He was away on a business trip. I guess it could’ve been worse for him, he came out of this year’s Changing as a duck, so guess who doesn’t have to pay for airfare? Lucky duck. Next year, I hope I’m a caterpillar. Hopefully Em will step on me. 

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